Our lives are now separated by a clear line: life before Yaroni’s death and life after.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak to you today.
My name is Debbie Chitiz, I am an ex-South African and I made aliya to Raanana, Israel in April 1987 (this was my second aliya as I had come as a student straight after high school), and in fact last week was our 38th Aliyah anniversary.
Upon our arrival to Raanana we joined the minyan hakatan at Moriah Shul. This English-speaking minyan became very popular and started growing in numbers and that was when it was decided to build an English-speaking shul.
And so Shivtei Yisrael was born – I remember how we used to walk every shabbat to look at the building progress. We toiled and prayed and today I can say that I am proud to be a founding member of Shivtei.
We made aliya with Doron and the remainder of my crew was born in Israel.
Yaroni is my laat lammetjie as they say in Afrikaans, my ben zekunim as they say in Hebrew, and the youngest of my crew, and all grew up in Shivtei, this was their second home.
When Yaroni was 4, Clive and I got divorced, and Yaroni was raised by me together with his siblings with so much love and care. He grew up with no conflict and was the young brother that everyone loved. In fact, all in Raanana knew and loved him. The Chitiz 5 were extremely close and were a model for all.
I called Yaroni my lifeline as he was born a few months before my 40th birthday. He kept me young and on my toes. He and his siblings were the fuel that kept me going as I went through one of my worst challenges – a divorce. They kept me busy and, on my feet, leaving me no time to mope.
Yaroni was my child of a different time,ילד של פעם
A child who loved the simple things in life.
- board games
- family time
- playing scrabble with me on a shabbat afternoon
- singing – he had a beautiful voice and the children would harmonize together, now that voice is missing
- Israeli music and especially the songs played on the radio on Yom Hashoa and Yom Hazikaron,
- time out with friends
- eating and preparing food
- playing soccer
- watching Liverpool – he was a crazy Liverpool supporter
- he loved Israel and hiking around the country
- Fifa Soccer games
- reading and especially the Guiness Records, which became his annual birthday present as he was born on the second of January.
He loved life and had the biggest smile.
In his youth, he was a counsellor in Bnei Akiva for children with special needs and it was obvious to us then that he was truly gifted. It was here that we noticed his personality developing, his maturity and his love for people.
Yaroni was our masterpiece, he took the best characteristics of all of those around him and moulded this into his unique personality. He truly was our masterpiece.
At the age of 17 he did the Mont Blanc Trail, in the mountains of Switzerland, Italy and France. He decided over night that he was joining his friends, he trained hard and succeeded. Most people only do this trail well into their 40’s.
He enlisted into the army in March 2020 at the beginning of Corona after having spent a gap year and a half in a military preparatory course at the mechina in Elisha.
In the army he stood out too. His officers noticed him, he excelled in all he did and was sent on an early commander’s course, and he then became a commander for new recruits. Thereafter he did an officer’s course. Subsequently he was selected to be a commander of an Officers Course, and finally he became a deputy commander of the Shaked Battalion in the Givati Brigade.
The 7th of October caught him in his regular army duty.
He had called us to say that we should stay inside as terrorists had infiltrated into Israel.
The 7th of October caught us by surprise and from then on, our lives took on a different meaning as we learnt to live in times of war.
Yaroni was sent to the battlefield, and he was proud at having the opportunity to defend am Yisrael.
For me personally, the war brought on many challenges.
Worry, uncertainty, anxiety, loss of appetite and the unknown.
Not being able to talk nor see Yaroni was not easy. It affected my concentration, my mood and my swimming.
Somehow, we all got used to the daily announcements of soldiers being killed הותר לפרסום with the pictures of the fallen appearing in the daily newspapers.
When sleeping at night I kept on imagining that I was hearing knocking at my door and would run to the door to check.
This carried on for months, or so I thought, but in reality, it wasn’t even three months.
Yaroni and many other soldiers were not allowed home during the war. Eventually after 80 days his unit was told they could go home for a weekend. He surprised me and I was the happiest I had ever been. The video of his home coming went viral. The whole world celebrated with us.
And wow, what a weekend. Yaroni came home exhausted, dirty and hungry. Despite this, he hardly slept and made sure to do all the things that made him happy.
Management of time was one of his specialities and on this weekend he managed to fit everything in.
He saw both family and friends, played soccer, barbecued a few times, went to shul, got an aliya, benched gomel and in shul all sang song after song as they welcomed him home. On this shabbat my youngest granddaughter was named. And yes, the Chitiz 5 were all together again. I never realised then that those tears were happy tears.
When he went back to the army on the Sunday morning, I wasn’t at ease. I was worried and justly so.
I am a swimmer and on the Tuesday morning while swimming, I felt a heaviness overcome me and I was battling to swim. While swimming I said to myself, swim, you don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
On the early hours of Wednesday morning at 1.15 am, I heard the knocking. This time I never ran to the door and then they knocked again.
I realised then that our lives had changed drastically…
Yaroni was killed that Tuesday evening at 7pm, one week before his 24th birthday and the הותר לפרסום (‘it has been allowed to be published’, the official start of an IDF announcement of a soldier falling, ed.)was on the 6 o’clock news on Wednesday morning December the 27th.
In battle Yaroni saved an entire unit as the terrorists were on the way down to attack his unit when they confronted him. Yaroni was killed together with two other soldiers.
My biggest concern was whether he had suffered.
I have learnt to look for the gratitude in my crazy situation, we can’t question why Yaroni was killed but we can be grateful for numerous things.
I have immense gratitude even though we went through our worst nightmare.
Yaroni never suffered as he was killed instantly.
Yaroni wasn’t taken hostage as an elite unit managed to retrieve his body after a four-hour battle.
Yaroni’s whole body came home, and this also allowed us to donate some of his organs.
We were able to see him, touch him and say goodbye to him. At Shura, which is where the bodies are prepared for burial, we sang or should I say tried to sing המלאך הגואל אותי. This is the song that is sung at night to children before they go to sleep. The ironic coincidence is that this song appeared in the parshat hashavua – Parashat Vayechi- the week that Yaroni was killed.
We are also extremely grateful that his phone survived the battle.
Yaroni had left a letter for the family which he had written on his phone.
I never realized then that not every soldier comes home like this.
And so once again I say how grateful I am.
Yaroni had a proper burial, this too is not to be taken for granted.
Through my personal pain, I have learnt so much.
The gratitude and privilege of being a mom to such a special human being, one who was the glue in so many circles, he held us all together and was way mature beyond his almost 24 years. Yaroni was dedicated and motivated and caring. He loved everybody. His older siblings looked up to their younger brother. He was great in life and even more so in death as we learn more and more of his special character.
I have been challenged so many times in my life, this was certainly the worst.
And yet, I have immense strength, not sure where I get it all from, but I have managed to hold myself together.
So, what gives me the drive and motivation to keep on moving forward.
The water, my family and my faith – and yes, the order changes.
When going through the challenges of my divorce and my subsequent illness, I took to the water to save my soul. I joined a Masters swimming group and started swimming. I have participated in national and international swimming competitions. I was gutsy, I wasn’t fast enough, but I was determined. Slowly but surely, I started improving. And then, I attended an Ori Sela Open Water Swimming Camp in Eilat, and this opened a new door for me. I am now officially a marathon swimmer; I have completed the long cross of the Kinneret 3 times. This is a difficult 20.5km swim.
Yaroni surprised me as he arrived at the finish of one of my swims. He was serving in the south of the country, and he took whatever transport he could to get to my finish in the north. He literally spent the whole day travelling to give me his gorgeous bear hug and then he had to return to his base.
I’ll never forget his excitement as well as mine. My children certainly love surprises!!!
I now dedicate all my swimming to Yaroni and have my own slogan on my swimming cap YOU’LL NEVER SWIM ALONE which I adapted from the Liverpool YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE. The Israeli Open Water Community has rallied around me. We arranged a 3km swim where 240 swimmers participated. All out of respect for Yaroni.
This event got lots of publicity and appeared on the morning television show as we had formed a human Magen David on the sand with all the swimmers. At the start of the swim we all went into the water while keeping the shape of the Magen David. This Magen David which was filmed by a drone was chosen to be in the National Library last year.
This event gave me the motivation to arrange an additional 24km open water swim. We worked hard on this, trained and hoped that it would happen. The war was still going on and we were still training. The date set for the swim, at the time of Sukkot, October 2024, coincided with numerous threats into Israel with sirens wailing in every direction as rockets kept on falling. We did not get security clearance to do a 24km swim but managed to do a 12km swim instead. Here too, 100 swimmers participated in this ocean swim.
And so, just as our first year of mourning for Yaroni was coming to an end, I once again took upon another challenge. I applied with a friend to swim the elite 20 bridges Manhattan Island Swim. This is a 48km swim in the Hudson river where we swim under the 20 bridges. We are both Israeli, females and not very young, and I presume that was a draw card for the New York Open Water Committee. We got accepted and beezrat hashem we will be doing a tandem swim at the end of July.
When thinking over my life’s challenges, I always looked forward and set myself goals…these goals have kept me going and I can presume have given me the strength to cope with Yaroni’s death too.
The longing for Yaroni is ongoing and we are all learning how to live with the immense loss.
The statement that I have always used is now more apt than ever
IF I DIDN’T DO IT ON A GOOD DAY, I CERTAINLY WONT DO IT ON A BAD DAY.
Our lives are now separated by a clear line: life before Yaroni’s death and life after.
Yes we do smile and laugh, but these are different smiles and different laughter
We are happy but not as happy as we were before – how can we be with such a loss.
There are so many triggers:
- Being in shul with some of the words of the prayers extremely difficult for eg hallel and especially the words of – מה אשיב – לך אזבח זבח תודה
- I now just stand – I cannot sing this one anymore
- Yizkor has taken on a completely different meaning as I gasp and sob with my whole body when saying the prayer for the fallen soldiers
- Attending Britot and Barmitzvahs are extremely difficult
- Soldiers saying birkat hagomel after returning from the battlefield
- Daily life, so many things remind me of Yaroni not being around
- His name cast in stone
- His name appearing on the road as one of the fallen
- His name and picture on the Yom Hazikaron memorial and seeing his beautiful smiling face in the Yom Hazikaron ceremony
- Dedications to Yaroni in benchers, in books, in the press and more
- His name appearing in the Hanan Ben Ari Live, where you hear Hanan saying Yaroni in the song חוץ מכדורגל
- His stickers appearing all over the world
- Getting visits and gifts from people we don’t know
- Although we were pretty well known in Raanana before, we have now become VIPS – and like I have said on many an occasion we could have done without the VIP status
- Yaroni’s friends getting engaged and married
- Chagim (holidays) – last year we could not do the seder together as it was just too difficult – this year I hosted 20 of us. I can’t say it was easy, everything including the preparation took longer than normal as I had the emotions to deal with too. It was bittersweet and every emotion was expressed from sad to happy. I spoke about the 4 sons and also the 5th and said that we wouldn’t only concentrate on the absence of Yaroni, but would celebrate as we have to, but we will never forget him. I have 4 other beautiful children as well as 7 grandchildren and we need to carry on living for them.
- The cursed month of December where Yaroni’s azkara (memorial), his English birthday and barmitzvah date all fall within the same time range
- Yom hazikaron – has always been a hard day for us and I have always shed a tear with the sound of the siren – now we live it on a daily basis
- Hostages returning
- Comments like “ Great that you had all your children with you……”
- Incomplete Family pictures, this has happened in the past because of Corona or one of the children being away, but now our family pictures will never be complete
- And here I mention Yaelis’s wedding which was sad, happy, and everything else – we remembered Yaroni but on the other hand celebrated Yaeli. We are learning how to maneuver from happy to sad and to enjoy life’s special moments despite the immense difficulty. We witnessed the brothers singing very emotionally to Yaeli, with tears in everybody’s eyes and immediately thereafter the sounds of sadness turned into happiness as we escorted her down the aisle.
- At the end of the first round of dancing, the Liverpool You will never walk alone song was dedicated toYaroni. Everybody stood in a big circle singing with love and admiration for Yaroni. Flags of Israel as well as Yaronis flags were waved from side to side. It’s difficult to actually capture this memory, and if it wasn’t shabbat I would share the videos with you.
- If it wasn’t Shabbat I would share the videos with you
We hold onto all the special memories of this special young man and have chosen life and to carry on living.
And now, what remains is to keep Yaroni’s legacy alive.
We have many projects ongoing:
- The Yaroni BBQ – an initiative started by one of our friends in memory of Yaroni. Yaroni loved food and loved barbecuing and would do this regularly on every Friday that he came home. So, this is a fitting way to remember him by treating our soldiers who have been in war since October 7, 2023. We organize barbecues for units from the north to the south of the country. The barbecues are managed by volunteers and the funds come from all over the world. I must say that the family gets tremendous strength when attending the barbecues and I often find myself dancing and being extra happy. And yes, more and more people get to hear of our special Yaroni.
- The writing of a Sefer Torah, funds are currently being raised via Jgive and we hope that this sefer will be ready for Yaroni’s second azkara
- Singing Sabbath songs, zmirot shabbat, in his memory as he loved to sing. We also try to sing, however we are missing a beautiful voice – this project was born because of Yaroni. On the only Shabbat that he came home, everybody was around the Shabbat table and talking, we just wanted to enjoy as much as we could of Yaroni. Suddenly Yaroni banged his hands on the table and said IT CANT BE THAT WE SING MORE ZMIROT SHABBAT IN GAZA THAN IN RAANANA. He explained that they spent many hours in their army vehicles, with no food, no showering, no anything, and so they spent many hours singing. We ask that you too sing in his memory – any song, just sing.
- The weekly parasha sheet written by family and friends imo Yaroni
- Sporting events for example running, swimming and soccer and on Yom Ha’atzmaut the Shivtei youth ran to our home, Yaeli spoke and we all sang together. This was extremely inspiring for all.
- Talking and writing about Yaroni
- Musical Events including kululams
- A Hatzalaambucycle and a Mada (MDA) car donated by generous donors
- Stickers printed in his memory
- The Yaroni Youtube REMEMBERING YARONI managed by Doron –– with many videos of Yaroni himself and of all the events that have taken place since he was killed
- Wine and Beer with his smiling face on the bottles
- Many babies have been named after Yaroni
- And books, the latest of which is currently being marketed and is called “If you are reading these words”, אם אתם קוראים את המילים האלה
- This book contains 49 letters of 49 soldiers, including Yaroni’s, – and like I said earlier Yaroni’s phone survived and that is where he had written his parting letter to the family
So, we ask – please help us keep Yaroni’s memory alive
Yaroni was killed so that we could live
Let us live, but let us remember to be human
Let’s be more patient and understanding
Let us learn from his sacrifice, he did not hesitate to serve
I overheard a lady this week saying that she never hung up the Israeli flag this year because of the state of our country and the worry where it is going to.
I stood there aghast, wanting to answer her but I didn’t.
In my heart I answered her, wow, you’re speaking like this in a public area, you haven’t a clue about any of the people around you. You don’t know that I lost my son. I lost my son so that you could live, the least you could do is hang the Israeli flag out of respect for him and all the others killed.
אין לנו ארץ אחרת -We have no other land
Let us learn to respect and love one another
Let’s try and focus on what connects one another rather than what divides us
Yaroni in an army interview said clearly כוחנו באחדותנו – our strength is in our unity
Let us try and be united
Let us try and love one another and as one of our stickers says
I take upon myself to love othersהריני מקבל על עצמי לאהוב
We have learnt that many people do not know how to talk to us and are afraid to communicate with us
We know it isn’t easy but ask that you reach out, talk, write, be there for us
Hold our hands and our hearts.
Before I end with my usual phrase of Am Yisrael Chai, I want to share a translation of Yaroni’s last letter with you, which also happens to end with the Am Yisrael Chai that I always say – I only realised this, this week.
My dear beloved family.
Who is supposed to teach a 23-year-old to write such a letter?
What a special and fantastic country…
I feel privileged to take part in the defence of the country, even if I complain all day that my bottom hurts from sitting in a Namer (Armored Personnel Carrier) for forty hours straight!
I feel part of the history that is being written now about the State of Israel!
Mom, Dad, Doron, Dandan, Dovie, Yaeli – THANKS!!
Thank you for educating me about קידוש השם, kindness and love for the Land.
It’s all thanks to you and the credit is yours!
If it wasn’t for the crazy family, you are, who raised me up and didn’t give up on me and brought me up on values and love for the country, I wouldn’t be where I am now (protecting the country, not in the grave ha ha).
I feel proud to fight Hamas under the banner of the Chitiz family and the people of Israel.
Thank you for everything!
You are a family that Israel can be proud of!
To my friends, of which the name of the group is:
שרים ומספידים לזכרו
Everyone who knows me knows that you are amongst the most important things in my life.
You are the air that I breathe, the laughter, the genuine friendship.
Dara, I love you, you are my life.
You give me the strength to continue.
I have no doubt that that my future must be with you – I hope that this letter is irrelevant, and that we will be privileged to share many years together and to have a beautiful family!
I love you all very much!
And I now end with our
AM YISRAEL CHAI!
